Why You Are Or You're Friends With Someone Like Mary Jane

I know many of you are thinking, "Della, NO ma'am not me" but if you truly know me, you know that I state it and then I back it up.

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From the pilot episode of "Being Mary Jane" I was captured. I tweeted and had gotten instant responses and retweets on twitter from not only Gabriel Union herself but on a weekly from the producers of the show @AkilProductions. Not because I know them personally, or maybe I have over 10,000 followers but because I GET IT. And I'll just say it.... more BROWN GIRLS BORN + RAISED IN AMERICA NEED TO GET IT.

My tweets were womanly, real, empathetic and human. Ya see, I understand at the ripe young age of 44 hunni I've seen most of it and then some just like Mama Jane. I don't judge not one bit and I stand by her words, "cry about it tonight but in the morning you have to make it right."

So, why do I say we chicks are "Being Mary Jane?" And although within the last 3 years 60% of married men have cheated and 40% of married women have done the same I confess, I am Mary Jane MINUS the dating a married man. That's something I've never delved into but I have had my share of insecurities, excuses and flaws as to why I needed to do certain things during a particular time in my life to pacify what I thought was my happiness + joy.

Who feels me?

I'll continue....

Ya see, Being Mary Jane not only exposed infidelity but if you look deeper there's always more to the story and yet I noticed many married couples, church folk, never been or will ever be the side chicks, and BET bashers, Scandal ONLY watchers, etc. had their nose turned up toward the show.  Wrong!

You're not getting it.

While the many Facebook motivators, re-quoters, secretly fix-my very own-lifers on steroids continue to criticize how the show sucked, the actors were not up to par and the producers  could have done better casting, this really saddens me. REALLY, what do YOU REALLY WANT BLACK PEOPLE?!?! DO YOU REALLY KNOW? But again you want too much while putting up only a TOUCH.

You talk a good game while working at Benita's Bobs + Weaves and More and More.. while spewing venom on anchor woman Pamela Oliver but have YOU reached out and offered her your AMAZING TOP NOTCH services?  Stop it now!

But in the words of Drizzy...this the ish I live for...

Yep, I went there because chyle boo this a majorly black cast and let's not forget I RESIDE in Hollywood (literally) and not only do I understand but I see with my very own eyes that it's hard out here for a peach, apple, plum or whatever else fruit you wanna pull from the bunch.

Ya'll gotta stop. After a few years of tuning in to see who's gonna bi@tch slap who many now  complain about reality tv and if it's not about a slave or drug dealer on the big screen, when we do publicize our daily truths such as infidelity other than on film, documentaries, or blogs we complain about it. When the real fact is we live and see slavery, infidelity drugs and more  in some sort or fashion on a daily but we choose to dismiss it and look the other way. But I digress.

Wake up children...

OK, let me get back to my topic as to why many of us are Mary Jane. I'll start with myself, as stated earlier I've never dated a married man but I had my vices hunni. One of them was wanting to be the leader of my family while claiming otherwise. This came from childhood. I grew up within a family of women head of households. Yes, it's true and I'm sure they'll back me on it.  The men in my family were weak (due to the women in my family's codependency) And I continued on the family tradition or while others called it the family curse until I chose to release myself from bondage. I can admit that and I can no longer make it an excuse.

One thing's for sure no matter friends, family, or lovers it's been hard to shake. I was brought up this way and I had to find a way to re-train my thinking. Yep I had to flip the switch.

Example: my sister brought up a really profound thought, our family is from the mid-west and you must understand we gets down on the grill but for some reason my mom would always by bread to accompany our hot dogs. Not to say she was wrong but one day my younger sister said to me "why don't we ever buy hot dog buns for our hot dogs?" Do you know as simple as it sounded, I was taken aback like.......500 feet back? I was like.... true!!!

Repetition.... but when you know better.....you do better

I'm not saying that my situation is you but take a minute and look at YOU. What have you done LONGER than expected that you knew or questioned that it really wasn't good for you or you knew could be better? Could it have been over eating, drinking, the disease to please, he may not be married but in a suck butt relationship hoping he'll change, fear of leaving a job you hate, aww hell or maybe even living beyond your means.

We need to get a grip, there's a learning experience in everything around us.

While watching Being Mary Jane I saw certain qualities in the actual lead character Mary Jane but I also saw qualities in Mama Mary Jane and believe it or not Papa Mary Jane. Yep...as a mother of a 16 year old son and 25 year old daughter I've taken on the mother AND the father role too dang long. I gotta stop. I don't wanna be JUST the STRONG black woman any longer. I now understand I cannot be equally committed and balanced to both my kids and myself without a fierce support system. Whether a friend, mentor or lover a fulfilling male is needed in my family. Helloooo...I'm accepting applications...great kids with a lil mama privileged issues...LOL!

I get it!  Ish. I gotta work on.

Let us understand that television, movies, film, documentaries etc. are created to provoke feeling and yet you have to fully participate in the moment and get into each character just as we do on Sex And The City, Scandal, Revenge, Breaking Bad, Boyz In The Hood, Friday, Belly, Best Man Holiday, etc.

Stop The Judging... I'm sooo far from great not to mention even close to perfect.

Get in there, understand and know that beyond social networks and those that follow only for likes... In every aspect, every situation, every culture no matter what... LIFE IS REAL.

Thank you Mara Brock Akil for painting a picture that wasn't always pretty.

And to my loved ones, I  adore you...you know that. Just making it plain.

Oh, and thanks to @TheWeeknd and @AliceSmithMusic for assisting me in creating this piece, your assistance was and is graciously appreciated.

Art Is Loved,

xoDL